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Live in ‘growth’ with love not fear

Birth Stories

Scared, anxious, petrified, worried….. these are some of the words that I heard in session one of our antenatal class before the birth of our first child. I was familiar with these kinds of concerns as I had been working as a birth and postnatal doula, and with a local group of midwives, but it was disheartening to hear these words when I was pregnant myself. As the facilitator of my class asked each of us in that room how we felt about the impending birth, it shocked me that many of those present had been robbed of the joy and excitement of their pregnancy, labour and birth experience.

Fear seems to rule the process. Fear of “what ifs” and about “the pain”. I knew that a different and more joyful birth experience was possible, but these couples had never been exposed to it. We have been bombarded by the media with its “emergency” childbirth scenarios and have been disillusioned by hearing others’ horror stories of being out of control, in pain, or faced with unwanted (and in some cases, unnecessary) interventions and instrumental births.

I knew there was another way. A more positive way. However, even with the knowledge that I had as a doula, it was different actually being the pregnant woman. I now had to contend with my own self-sabotaging feelings and emotions which made me doubt myself, so I was determined to find the more positive way.

On my search, I came across the Calmbirth® program in my first pregnancy. My husband and I attended the course (travelling a long distance to get there as there were no educators nearby), we practised the techniques and went on to have two wonderful home birth experiences.

I knew that there was nothing special about me. I wasn’t especially fit and healthy, but we had worked together to prepare physically and emotionally for the birth of our babies and we had opened ourselves up to a positive experience, however it unfolded.

Much of the time when you are pregnant the obsession from ourselves and others becomes about “what is going on in there?” meaning what is happening for the baby growing in our womb e.g. when do they start hearing, when do their fingers and toes form and so on.

I am so much more interested in just what is going on in Mum’s mind, and with the Dad, partner and support team…. what feelings are they experiencing and what fears do they have? When Mum is scared, anxious, petrified, worried or any of the other feelings that I heard expressed when I was about to become a mum, then her pregnancy, labour and birth journey (and also her beginnings of parenthood) can be greatly affected, and the joyful experience that is our right as women, is denied.

Now as a registered educator, I feel passionately compelled to share Calmbirth with as many women and their partners/birth companions as possible.

I often share on my courses the quote from Michael Leunig which illustrates that we have a choice to either live in “Growth” where we open ourselves to all possibilities or we live in “Protection” mode:

There are only two feelings, love and fear.
 There are only two languages, love and fear.
 There are only two activities, love and fear.
 There are only two motives, two procedures, two frameworks, two results…. love and fear… LOVE AND FEAR

If you are pregnant and want to open yourself up to new possibilities of having joyful experiences of pregnancy, labour, birth and parenting then I encourage you to find a Calmbirth program nearby and take a huge step towards living in ‘Growth’.

 

There are only two feelings, love and fear.
 There are only two languages, love and fear.
 There are only two activities, love and fear.
 There are only two motives, two procedures, two frameworks, two results…. love and fear… LOVE AND FEAR

 

 

 

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