The Power of Gratitude and Adapting to Change to Welcome a Baby with Joy

Birth Story by Athena Cabot

Over the past eighteen years of teaching the Calmbirth® program, what matters to me most is how people emotionally land on the other side of their experience of giving birth. After teaching hundreds of couples, I know that there are so many different ways that they are going to welcome their babies, and some of those ways may be far outside what the couple may have envisioned for their birth journey. However, if a couple feels respected and dignified as they move through the changes that happen during their birth experience, and how they decide to embrace those changes, this will leave an emotional memory, and set the stage for the way the couple enters parenthood.

Catherine Bell in her book, The Birth Map: Boldly Going Where No Birth Plan Has Gone Before, states, “HOW A WOMAN FEELS ABOUT HER BIRTH EXPERIENCES MATTERS. It matters A LOT! The birth experience (that is, how the mother feels about the birth) and the level of support received are fundamental to the emotional health of the mother. The emotional health of the mother is fundamental to the health of the baby.” (Bell, 3)

So the question therefore is, does a woman need to have a natural, vaginal birth with no intervention to feel satisfaction and emotional well-being when it comes to how she emotionally lands after her baby’s birth? The answer is no. BUT how she is treated, loved and supported through those changes, MATTERS. The way she is held through her experience will help the mother build a positive emotional blueprint and memory and set the stage for a positive start of her life with her child on the other side of her birth experience.

The following birth story of baby Jude Ethan Oliver told by his mother Athena beautifully highlights how a couple can still work together to welcome a baby with joy despite the changes and challenges that may come their way. I would like to give special thanks to Athena and Matt for sharing baby Jude’s journey:

Matt and I welcomed our son, Jude Ethan Oliver, on the evening of Wednesday 17th of June. What a day, what a journey! There were lots of unforeseen and unexpected twists and turns and unavoidable medical interventions on the day of the birth– I had to be induced (my waters broke on my due date and then after many hours– over 24– I still wasn’t dilating) and was put on antibiotics, and then after many hours of labouring, we decided with our midwife that an emergency c-section was necessary.

But guess what? Despite things not going to plan, (our birth plan that is), we had the most wonderful and memorable day. My midwife was wonderful and caring and supportive, and Matt was truly remarkable– a loving husband and fabulous birth support person! He implemented so many of the Calmbirth® strategies: he repeated my mantras to me and reminded me of my positive visualizations; he gave me massages, held me, and more, he held the space for me. I felt safe and strong– I think I remember two moments when I got a bit teary and flustered, but quickly reassured myself and regained a sense of calm.

In the end, I really did feel calm, empowered, and strong throughout the experience and wouldn’t change a thing about my story or how it unfolded. As my midwife told me, I gave natural birth my best shot and stayed calm and flexible when we had to go off-plan. I even ended up having a pleasant c-section experience– I got very lucky with an incredibly sensitive and lovely team that looked after me. Everyone from the anesthetist to the obstetrician, were so compassionate and even when birth became a bit more clinical, it still felt really enjoyable. I remember being rolled into surgery and all I could do was smile at Matt and my midwife excitedly and say, “I get to meet my son so soon now!” We played beautiful music, the staff said kind things and there were a few moments of humour, and I will never forget holding Matt’s hand, looking into each other’s eyes (both very teary!) and hearing our baby’s first healthy sounds and cries! Wow, what a moment! Life!

In the end, what better outcome than “healthy mom, healthy baby?” I couldn’t ask for anything more. Jude came out healthy, beautiful and wriggly as can be. And of course Matt and I fell in love with our mini human immediately.

Jude and I were lucky as we were both very compatible with breastfeeding from the very beginning. He was hungry from the moment he emerged from my belly! Feeding time has been a lovely time for us to bond– I really enjoy it.

There were three big things that I gleaned from Calmbirth® that I will continue to lean on in life beyond the birth journey: breathing and staying calm, being more flexible (and that was definitely a learned skill and is not inherently in my personality! I’m a type A control freak through and through, ha!) and having gratitude. Here’s one moment from my birth experience that I want to share:

I was hooked up to the drips and monitors and having intense contractions, and Matt and I decided to go on a walk through the birthing unit to try to get things moving, and also so that I could walk through my discomfort. As we passed by the toilets, I saw the cleaner and stopped to thank her for working so hard to keep everything clean and safe for us. The cleaner was moved and told me that people don’t usually say ‘thank you’ to her. This made me cry, and I felt sad that people might not take the time to say thanks to such a valuable and hardworking person in the hospital. So for the rest of my birthing experience, I stayed grateful and started making a point of thanking everyone that helped me. It made me happy saying thank you so much during my labour, and I became more grateful for everything that was going right and all the people that were making everything still feel comfortable and joyous for me and for Matt despite the unexpected turns the day was taking. A few days after Jude came home with us, I wrote all the hospital staff thank you cards and chose a very special one for Robyn, the cleaner who I had met during my labour. Gratitude is everything!

I loved Calmbirth® and you were such a wonderful instructor– we truly cherish the time we had with you and everything we learned. Matt and I didn’t get to go on our planned “Babymoon” /pre-baby vacation to Mollymook (Covid interrupted many plans!), but we say that our weekend in Berry actually was like a Babymoon…we had the most fabulous bonding experience that weekend— we loved your class and the people in it, and of course, we treated ourselves to fun meals out in delightful Berry. And as you know, our first child, our Golden Retriever pup, had the best time at his Golden Retriever luxury retreat while we were Calmbirth®ing it up with you!

Thank you for imparting such wonderful sentiments to us during Calmbirth®. I will do my best to continue carrying a sense of calm, flexibility and gratitude with me as I journey on through motherhood and through life. Gosh, women are amazing– I have a whole new profound sense of respect for women and our resilient bodies!

Photos of baby and our lil’ fam attached.

Stay well and thank you again for all that you did and gave to us!

Lots of love,
Athena, Matt, Sam the pup, and baby Jude