Five tips to prepare for parenthood…

Are you expecting a baby and feeling unprepared for birth and parenthood? You aren’t alone.

For many women growing up in Western culture, childbirth has been removed from our lives. The medicalisation of birth, unnecessary interventions, and breastfeeding not being valued, has often left women feeling unsupported. Too often in our society the physical component of birth is the sole focus, and the shift needs to be on the mind- body connection, and the social, emotional and spiritual aspects. Birth and parenting will often flow with ease when more than just the physical process is considered.

So how can you prepare and have a positive experience?

Here’s 5 tips for birth, and a smoother birth and transition into parenthood.

Be informed

Investing in quality, independent childbirth education provides powerful knowledge of how the mind body connection impacts on labour and birth offering unbiased current, evidence-based information. Challenging fears or negative beliefs you may be holding and learning how best to tap into your natural relaxation response is vital in preparation for birth. This can be an uncomfortable process for some, but it is essential for you and your partner to ‘find the comfort in the discomfort’ of challenging any negative mindsets and to build trust in your body allowing you to surrender. Mapping your journey together, making decisions around the possibilities, and knowing how the different pathways might look for you builds connection with each other and confidence. Calmbirth is great for this.

Build your ‘village’

Two adults alone were not designed to raise tiny humans, a ‘village’ offers emotional and practical support. Start to think about your support networks in pregnancy! For some people this could be very few and even rarely, no supports.

So talk to your care provider if you know in pregnancy that you really dont have that ‘village’ or otherwise gather those close to you, planning together how they can help you, on your terms. During pregnancy and especially postpartum having extra hands for support with cleaning, cooking, helping with older children, organising a meal train or hiring a doula can be a wise investment. Your village are there to help you, there should not be present simply because you feel obligated to them. There is no room for people pleasing in birth and postpartum. Keeping away ‘visitors’ early on, but instead having your village nearby early postpartum, means that you have hands on support giving you time to get to know your baby and rest, instead of trying to tidy the house and entertain the ‘visitors’.

Continuity of care

Research your care options choosing which suits you best. Aligning your beliefs with your care provider means that their support feels like a warm, safe hug. And if it doesn’t, considering other options might be necessary, even if you are halfway through your pregnancy. All women have the right to continuity of care with a provider; however, hospital care models, limited resources and private care costs leave many without the continuity they want and deserve.

Are you planning an elective Caesarean? A Private Obstetrician would be your best choice. Or is a physiological birth your goal? The highest chance of this is by having continuity with a Midwife. Limited spaces in public Midwifery programs require booking early in pregnancy or getting lucky on a waitlist. Private homebirth midwives are costly and publicly funded homebirth programs are not an option offered for most women. If possible hiring a doula could be an affordable way to have continuity in your pregnancy and someone to support you and your partner and advocate for your decisions.

Undisturbed environment

In Calmbirth we like to suggest keeping your birth space ‘safe, calm and private’.

Physiological birth happens best when you feel safe, respected with your privacy and dignity maintained. Oxytocin is the love, sexual and birthing hormone. There’s an almost identical hormonal process involved in natural conception, as there is for birth to progress efficiently, so lots of hands on support from your partner with touch, massage, hugs and kisses. Your care provider is meant to support your birth being as undisturbed as possible. They are not there to tell you what you’re ‘allowed’ to do or not. Your informed decisions should be supported, guiding the birth pathway that you choose based on evidence, and not scare mongering outdated practices.

Learn about your baby BEFORE birth

The focus on birth means postpartum planning is often overlooked. Hands on education, learning about ‘normal’ newborn behaviour, breastfeeding, and safe sleep is vital in setting realistic expectations. Discussions around caring for each other as your relationship changes is a priority and practical parenting workshops will provide supportive education. Humans are ‘carry’ mammals and babies are totally reliant on us for food, safety and warmth. Optimal brain growth occurs when babies feel safe and trust in their caregiver responding to their every need. The societal pressure for early independence is overwhelming, when in fact appropriately responding to newborn needs is what will build the most independence later on.

I hope you can take away some ideas from these 5 tips and always remind yourself that birth, like breathing, is a normal bodily process…

And there are 8 billion humans on Earth so it’s a pretty efficient process!

Transitions into parenthood are challenging and trying to ‘bounce back’ to what you ‘were’ before having a baby physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually isn’t the goal because you’re meant to be different now, you have become a mother or father!

With quality birth preparation and realistic expectations you can overcome the challenges and be inspired by the joy and love that your child brings. Hold your partner and your baby close, so you can thrive on each other’s loving touch, and far from creating a rod for your own back, you might just create a well-adjusted little person together.