Georgina’s birth manifestation and surrender

Introducing River Onyx Alexander Cole born 4.39pm on 19 October. River was due 9 October, but he had other plans.

At our 41 weeks check-up a doctor came and told us he’d like to schedule us for an induction, starting the following day, Thursday – not because of any medical reasons but because if we waited until after the weekend, we’d risk going over to 42 weeks, which Bowral hospital doesn’t cater to. I spent some time trying to negotiate with the doctor, who agreed that the baby was ok and that we could feasibly induce on the following Monday. Somehow, he still returned with a consent form for induction and asking for a confirmation that I would come in for a cervical balloon the next day to prepare for a full induction on Friday, Including all measures of intervention for induction. I refused to sign the form though pencilled in the appointment for the next day (which I planned on later cancelling).

This experience of going from 0 to 100 was super distressing for me and I left the appointment with tears in my eyes. I was certain I wanted a spontaneous labour and a natural birth but began to worry how it was all going to happen. On the way home a song came on repeating the line ‘a rose blooms when she is ready’ over and over. These words reminded me of my cervix, which was softened but not open and of one of the meditations we did at the Calmbirth class, one that particularly stood out to me on the day.

It triggered something across time and space in my subconscious and I went home with a resolve to get labour going on my own. I did a little ceremony to command the birth portal open, writing an affirmation to summon the opening of my cervix. I spent the evening spraying clary sage all around me, bouncing on my yoga ball, having Jason do acupressure, and fell asleep imagining my cervix opening. At 3am I awoke to pains that felt like period cramps that carried on for the rest of the day until my 2pm appointment. I knew they weren’t exactly contractions, but something was happening!!

On our way to the appointment, we pulled up to walk around the lake in Mittagong where we ran into Nicki and Lyndon and met their beautiful little girl who was born via c section, here I was reminded that a baby can arrive in anyway and that in the end the most important thing is that they arrive –

I was reminded to surrender to whatever might happen.

We got to the hospital who thought we were coming for an induction and instead we found that my cervix had dilated 1-2 cm and did a stretch and sweep and instead negotiated induction on the Monday with the number of interventions minimised. This was a big relief! But I was still committed to my birth plan of spontaneous labour and natural birth in the bath.

After the sweep contractions started, I had a bloody show, all indicators that my baby should be coming. Except the contractions never became regular, there was no pattern. They just dragged on and on for a frustrating 2 days. It was painful, upsetting and exhausting. Nevertheless, we kept trying all the things to get labour going, acupuncture, walking, movement, essential oils etc. After more than 48 hours of inconsistent contractions and little sleep we decided to do a little lap around the dam next to our place. Suddenly I needed to go to the bathroom where I felt a burst of liquid. My water broke! But it was brown. Off we went to the hospital where I was told I was at risk of a c-section, I’d have to be administered syntocin through an IV drip, be wrapped in monitors, and couldn’t use the bath at all. All things I was really trying to manifest NOT happening.

I was so attached to the idea of a water birth. But whatever, I decided, my baby needed to get here, and I needed to surrender to whatever process was going to make that happen. We got to the birthing room. I was plugged in to monitors and drips. Had compression tights put on my legs. Had to get cannulas and eventually baby monitors internally.

My salt lamp, diffuser, handwritten birth affirmation cards, tens machine and birthing comb all stayed in the bag. I didn’t even put on my curated playlist. I opted for pain relief. Morphine injection and gas. Another thing not in the plan. Every single thing went out the window except for my breath and my birth partner Jason. The two of us worked together. Listened to our care team and after 4 hours of contractions that eventually became orgasmic (thanks to morphine and breathing) I pushed for half an hour and my baby just burst out into the world, from slightly crowning to an exit in one big push which came just before they were going to vacuum suction him out.

Although it was frustrating to experience labour pains for such a long time, the breathing really did help to dissipate the pain, every time I’d feel the intensity rise, I’d connect to my breath, release the tension – always checking how I was holding my feet first as I always feel if my feet are tense the rest of me usually is – and then would feel the discomfort dissipate. Without that practice I probably would have given up and could have ended up with a c section. Not that there’s anything wrong with a c-section but I really wanted to test myself and see if I could take on the monumental challenge of birthing naturally.

I honestly couldn’t believe I had done it when it happened! And it wasn’t as ‘hard’ as I had been conditioned to believe. That after 2-3 difficult days of early labour he arrived so easily. That me surrendering was really all I had to do. That the most important part wasn’t the stuff I had with me or that it happened how I scripted in my head. But that I trusted my body and used my breath. And that I trusted the Universe to deliver. After 2 days in hospital, we’re now at home. Learning how to do this whole parenting thing and soaking up the preciousness of our little boy.